5 Ways to Protect Your Boundaries Despite Criticism – Marie Osmond

February 12, 2010 Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen 6 comments

Setting healthy personal boundaries in relationships is one thing – and coping with people’s responses to your boundaries is another! Here are five ways to protect yourself when you’re criticized by friends, family, and coworkers who don’t respect your boundaries. These tips are based on inspiration from Marie Osmond (who, as a child superstar and busy mother who struggled with her emotional and mental health, knows a thing or two about boundaries!).

“I lost boundaries as a child and I didn’t even realize it,” said Marie Osmond. “It wasn’t talked about back then. You know, it was something you just buried and dealt with, and moved forward. What could you do about it?”

If only “See Jane Soar” existed when she was a child – she could’ve learned how to protect her personal boundaries! If you’re struggling to stick to your boundaries, you might find Where to Draw the Line: How to Set Healthy Boundaries Every Dayhelpful (pictured). And, here are five ways to maintain your boundaries even when people don’t like them…

5 Ways to Protect Your Boundaries Despite Criticism – Marie Osmond

When you set your personal boundaries, you’re protecting your time and energy for the things in life that mean the most to you. Setting boundaries is a piece of cake…it’s defending them that requires courage, stamina, and dedication!

1. Expect to be criticized for drawing the line. When I first started working from home – I’m a full-time freelance writer and blogger – I told my friends and family that I wouldn’t take personal phone calls during the day. It’s too disruptive, I love my job, and I don’t even talking on the phone! Most everybody was fine with it, except for a couple of friends who bristled (“Well, if you’re too busy to take ten minutes to catch up with an old friend who can’t talk in the evenings…”) and who are still irked, even after two years. Now when I set a personal boundary, I simply prepare myself for criticism or negative responses.

2. Let your loved ones be angry, disappointed, or frustrated. It’s okay if people are mad at you, disappointed in you, or frustrated by your behavior! No matter what you do or how nice you are, you won’t be liked by everyone all the time…so get used to getting under people’s skin. They’ll get over it. And, trust me, the more you let go of other people’s expecations, the easier it gets. It’s not your responsibility to make everyone happy all the time; your job is to figure out who your authentic self is, and be that woman. And don’t forget to look for the humor in the situation, because as Marie Osmond says, “If you’re going to be able to look back on something and laugh about it, you might as well laugh about it now.”

3. Stay in touch with who you are and what you need. As an introvert, I need to be alone a lot of the time. As a woman who likes to stay thin (and who gains weight just by thinking about chocolate), I need to eat less meat and potatoes – which my husband loves to eat for breakfast, lunch, and dinner (he’s one of those lucky ectomorphs who can eat whatever wants whenever he wants, and not gain an ounce). These are examples of two types of personal boundaries I’ve set at home, and they’re easy to protect because I am connected to who I am. It’s difficult to stand up against criticism when you don’t really know what you want or need!

4. Learn how to handle difficult people – especially at work. If you work full-time, you may spend more time at work than home…and who wants to be miserable for eight or nine hours a day? There are several ways to protect your boundaries even if you have critical coworkers, such as choosing the right time to talk to them, starting the conversation on a positive note, being specific, communicating directly, and figuring out your role in the problem. In How to Handle Bossy Coworkers – Sophia Loren, I describe those steps in more detail.

5. Detach from critical people a little…or a lot. Sometimes physical space is necessary – actually spending less time with people who don’t uplift or support you. If your mother or best friend from high school refuses to treat you the way you want to be treated (or if they’re toxic people), then it’s appropriate and healthy to spend less time with them, limit the lengths of your visits, or even let them go altogether.

“Life can be real tough,” said Marie Osmond. “You can either learn from your problems, or keep repeating them over and over.”

What about you – have you set healthy personal boundaries, and are you protecting them despite criticism from friends, family, or coworkers? I’d love to hear from you below!