“Great dreams…never even get out of the box,” says Bombeck. “It takes an uncommon amount of guts to put your dreams on the line, to hold them up and say, ‘How good or how bad am I?’ That’s where courage comes in.”
Having courage to overcome your own self-sabotaging and self-defeating behaviors is what the book Stop Self-Sabotage: Get Out of Your Own Way to Earn More Money, Improve Your Relationships, and Find the Success You Deserve by Pat Pearson. Click the cover for details, and read on for ways to stop self-sabotage and self-defeat…
4 Ways to Stop Self-Sabotage and Self-Defeat – Erma Bombeck
1. Accept conflict, disagreements, confrontation as normal. Sometimes women sabotage themselves because they’re afraid of the conflict that results when they stand up for what they want and think. Women can be afraid of letting go of other people’s expectations. And, sometimes women are afraid of the labels that come with doing what they want in life (“selfish”, “controlling”, “iron lady”, etc). To stop the self-defeat and self-sabotage, we have to accept the fact that sometimes we do things that don’t please other people. We have to act out of passion – not fear of conflict.
2. Reexamine the self-beliefs that limit and control. What do you believe about yourself that isn’t true? For instance, women who believe they don’t deserve to be in healthy relationships will act in ways that sabotage or defeat good relationships. Women who believe they’re unattractive or worthless will sabotage their own attempts to lose weight or take care of themselves. To stop self-sabotage and self-defeat — and increase motivation – we need to stop believing things about ourselves that aren’t true.
3. Stop taking responsibility for others’ dreams and goals. Is it self-sabotaging or self-defeating to put your life on hold, so your partner or kids can pursue their dreams or goals? I can’t answer that – every situation, every woman, every motivation is different. But, women seem to take responsibility to help other people achieve their goals and dreams at the expense of their own. Women can put their goals or dreams on hold while they help the boss build his or her business, or because their volunteer work for the church or community is too demanding. To stop self-sabotage and self-defeat, we need to let others be responsible for achieving their goals…and we need to achieve our own.
4. Identify the “busy work” – and stop it! This is how I sabotage myself: I spend too much time on things at work that don’t matter. For instance, checking my blog stats every hour or two – or checking my e-mail often – is not only a waste of time, it’s self-defeating (if my blog stats are good, then I feel like taking a break! If they’re bad, I’m too depressed to work (excuse the exaggeration for effect)). To stop self-defeating behaviors, we need to cut out the activities and thought patterns that don’t matter. To stop sabotaging ourselves, we need to put the time and energy we have towards things that actually make a difference.
One last thought from Erma Bombeck:
“When I stand before God at the end of my life,” says Bombeck, “I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, ‘I used everything You gave me.’”
Are you using everything you have — are you living up to your own potential? For more motivation to achieve your goals, read 5 Strategies for Life Success – Alanis Morissette.
If you have any questions or thoughts on these ways to stop self-sabotage and self-defeat, please comment below…
Dear Readers, thank you for your comments and questions! I read them all -- but I can't offer in-depth marriage, relationship, or family advice. ~ Laurie
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