I’m sorry for the pain you and your husband are in. But, though it may be hard to see it now, this affair may be be the wake up call your marriage needed! You were seeking something more out of life, and you did the best you could to meet that need.

So, one suggestion I have is to forgive yourself if you’re struggling with guilt, shame, regret, or even self-hatred.

I’ve written several articles on surviving emotional infidelity on my Quips and Tips blog. Here are links to two immediately that spring to mind — they list and discuss several ways to survive an affair.

This first one might be better for your husband, but does have helpful info for you, as well:

Rebuilding Marriage Trust – How to Reunite With an Unfaithful Husband

And, this is one of my most popular articles on Quips and Tips. I encourage you to read through the comments as well; there are SO MANY couples in your situation!

Tips for Surviving an Emotional Affair

I hope these articles help, and welcome your response there or here. And, I wish you all the best as you rebuild your marriage….remember, you may be heading toward a stronger, happier, healthier marriage than you ever thought possible! Now that you see your husband for the treasure he is, you’re more likely to appreciate and be grateful for him…which will make you both happy.

Best wishes,
Laurie
Laurie PK´s last blog post..6 Physical and Emotional Signs You’re Not Eating Properly

He found out before I could tell him and yes, I was going to tell him. I’ve ended the affair, ended it the night he found out. Him finding out opened my eyes to what I want and what I want is him. He is a great husband and a great father.

He is really hurting right now, a lot more than I am, which I can understand. I am devestated but he is much worse. Do you have any words of advice for how we can save our marriage? This all started the night before Thanksgiving.

Thanks for sharing your advice about not continuing to look for further evidence of his cheating. I think that would create suspicion and distrust…which is not a solid foundating for rebuilding your marriage or relationship!

I’m glad you’re working it out. Sometimes, online or in-person affairs can reveal the problems that weren’t being faced in the relationship — and allow you to face those problems head on.

It’s good to hear your partner is genuinely sorry…I wish you all the best as you rebuild your relationship.

Laurie
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post..Rebuilding Marriage Trust – How to Reunite With an Unfaithful Husband

I’m sorry about your husband’s affair — and especially sorry I didn’t catch your comment unitl now! I don’t know what happens; sometimes people leave comments and I’m not alerted to them.

I hope Thanksgiving was okay for you….I did write an article about dealing with infidelity (both emotional and physical) over the holiday season.

Here’s the link:

Coping With Infidelity Over the Holidays

I hope this article helps you cope with Christmas and a houseful of relatives! And, I encourage you and your husband to get counseling when you can…it often takes the objectivity of a marriage counselor to see why the affair happened in the first place, and how you can improve your marriage.

Take care,
Laurie
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post..Rebuilding Marriage Trust – How to Reunite With an Unfaithful Husband

Thanks,
Sam

Thanks for your kind message. I think I have forgiven him. It’s the forgetting part that is impossible. In all honesty, I think part of it is my insecurity of “not being good enough,” which stems from my childhood. I imagine if I were feeling great about myself, I might experience this a little differently 3 years later. My message is not intended to be a depressy whine. It is just a wondering.

By the way I love, love, love your blog! I’ve forwarded it to several friends as I have found it inspiring and motivational.
Thank you for the gift!

Three years is a long time to be in a relationship with someone when you’re struggling to trust him!

My friend’s husband cheated on her, and she said she’ll never forget that it happened. She doesn’t trust him the way she did before — like you mentioned, things don’t just go back to normal. But, she’s forgiven him and she doesn’t seem to suffer from it. She’s aware of her husband’s activities, but she seems to trust him fully now.

Anyway, I wish you all the best in your relationship…I hope you can find some level of trust.

Best wishes,
Laurie
Laurie Pawlik-Kienlen´s last blog post..Are Introverts Normal? Information About the Introvert’s Personality

I’m sorry about your husband’s affair — sometimes emotional affairs are more difficult to overcome than physical infidelity.

I hope it works out for you and him — whether you stay married or start thinking about divorce. Either way, you will get through this and be happy again!

All best,
Laurie
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