I’m sorry to hear that you still feel so guilty over that relationship breakup — and that you haven’t been able to move on.

You must remember that you did the best you could — you couldn’t marry the man you wanted, and you had to marry the man your parents chose for you. What choice did you have? Looking back, you may think you had a choice and you may do things differently if you were to do it all over again…but back then, you did the best you could.

My best advice for you is to stop talking to or seeing your first boyfriend. You’re married now — and so is he — and you’re at totally different stages of your life. You need to find a way to be happy in your current marriage, and so does he.

And, you need to focus on stop feeling guilty after breaking up with him! I encourage you to follow the steps I’ve listed in the article above, because it’s good advice

I wish you all the best, and hope you’re able to find happiness in your current life. Living in the past or with “what if” or “I should have” is not healthy, and it doesn’t create happiness.

Blessings,
Laurie
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It sounds like you need to forgive yourself for your past — you need to stop re-opening old wounds and learn to let go of your mistakes and regrets.

Forgiving yourself and putting the past behind you requires information and self-discipline. That is, you need to learn how to let go of your guilty feelings, and you need to practice discipline to keep letting go of your guilt. Forgiving yourself for the past is a process that happens gradually — it’s not an overnight thing. You’ve been dwelling on the past for six years, and it’ll take time to create new thought patterns.

I suggest reading books on self-forgiveness and letting go of guilt. I’m listening to Dr Wayne Dyer’s series of books, and there’s lots of wonderful information about forgiveness of self and others, letting go of negative thought patterns, and stopping self-destructive behavior. Go to your library, and look for those types of books — pick the ones that resonate with you.

You might also want to talk to a counselor. Sometimes we can’t see solutions because we’re totally immersed in our problems…we need the objective, trained viewpoint of an external third party. A counselor can help you figure out why you can’t let go of the guilty feelings (because you ARE benefiting from them in some way — there is a payoff to beating yourself up. You need to figure out what that payoff is!). And, a counselor can give you strategies for replacing those old negative thought patterns with new, healthier ones.

I hope this helps — and I wish you all the best.

Blessings,
Laurie
Laurie PK´s last blog post..How to Save Your Marriage Without Going to Couples Counseling

Thanks for taking the time to comment…I’m glad you don’t feel guilty about breaking up with your boyfriend now.

And, I hope you don’t go through another relationship breakup anytime soon!

Take care,
Laurie
Laurie PK´s last blog post..How to Save Your Marriage Without Going to Couples Counseling

I’ve just stopped feeling guilty about breaking up with my boyfriend, and that was four months ago! I wish I would’ve found you back then…

But thanks for this relationship advice, I appreciate it for next time.

Lesley

I’ve stayed with men who weren’t good for me, mostly because it was easier than leaving.
Laurie PK´s last blog post..What To Do When Your Mother in Law Doesn’t Like or Accept You

Gini
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