The life lesson: to get results in life, you need to communicate effectively (and communication tip #1 is to keep it short!). The successful woman: Joan Didion, an American novelist who started her career at Vogue magazine.
Here’s her take on “seeing Jane soar”:
“The willingness to accept responsibility for one’s own life is the source from which self-respect will spring,” said Didion.
How do you accept responsibility for your own life? It’s different for each woman – but one way is to learn how to communicate effectively. Women are great at building relationships, but can struggle to express what they really need, think, and feel! These communication tips for women are based on info from Nice Girls Can Finish First by Daylle Deanna Schwartz (another book I wish I’d written!). Click on the cover for more info, and read on for communication tips…
Communication Tips for Women – Joan Didion
1. Don’t talk on and on and on! The more you talk, the less you’re heard. Be specific and straightforward, skip excess details, and know what the purpose of your discussion is. Express what you authentically think and feel, but don’t ramble.
2. Be specific. “I’ve washed the supper dishes five out of seven times this week. Could we work something out, so I don’t feel like I’m carrying the whole load?” is a short, clear, specific request. Don’t let the discussion get derailed; stay focused on your goal of a more equitable arrangement.
3. Be clear about what you want. Successful communication for women (and some men – but more often women) is to stop being cryptic or expecting others to read between the lines! For instance, if a friend is chronically late, say “Tell me in advance if you’re going to be late, so I can get other things done instead of waiting. I’ve got things to do!”
4. Don’t push for change. Here’s an interesting communication tip for women: “You can only change yourself,” writes Schwartz in Nice Girls Can Finish First. “But you can help someone understand your side.” You may not be able to force your partner or kids to do the dishes or your friends to show up on time, but you can be clear about how you feel and explain that you’d appreciate more sensitivity for your feelings. Practice standing up for youself!
5. Show appreciation and be positive. When asking someone to do something, express your gratitude that your listener is paying attention and allowing you to express yourself. Schwartz also recommends saying something positive about the other person to lower his or her guard. “I value our friendship and want to share something…” She also says to end on a positive note: “I’m glad I could be straight with you. Tension isn’t good, and I want us to be good.”
If you have any thoughts or questions about these communication tips for women – or being willing to take responsibility for your life – please comment below!
For more communication tips, Read Assertiveness Training Tips for Improving Communication Skills on my Quips & Tips for Achieving Your Goals blog. And, you might like 10 Ways to Build Self-Confidence – Queen Latifah, here on See Jane Soar.
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