These six life lessons from Maria Shriver revolve around her book, Just Who Will You Be? – which she described on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Here are the highlights of Shriver’s book, plus advice on letting go of the roles you play (getting unstuck and finding your self-identity!).
Maria Shriver’s mom, Eunice Kennedy Shriver, founded the Special Olympics, and her dad Sargent Shriver, founded the Peace Corps. Before she became a journalist and writer, Maria Shriver felt the pressure to achieve and succeed. She has four kids with husband and governor Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Here’s what Shriver told Oprah Winfrey about letting go of the roles you play and finding your self-identity…and to learn more about Shriver’s Just Who Will You Be? click the book cover.
6 Life Lessons From Maria Shriver
“I was raised in a family that equated self-worth with personal achievement…if you weren’t accomplishing big, then you were being. You weren’t even seen,” said Maria Shriver. “Being seen for who you are – not what you do – is the greatest gift anyone can give you. The greatest gift I can give to my children is to live my own life.”
1. Accept that letting go of other people’s expectations is a process. You won’t be able to let go of other people’s expectations – or your own expectations of yourself – overnight. Letting go of the roles you play and finding your self-identity is a process that can take years. Shriver said she exhausted herself with her phenomenally fast-paced life, and she’s finally learning to dial it back, and just be with her children.
2. Know that your life doesn’t have to be defined by the roles you’ve been playing. You may be a wife, a mother, a doctor, a daughter-in-law, a pastor’s daughter – but that doesn’t define your life. “Just who will you be?” asks Maria Shriver. You have the freedom to figure out who you’re going to be in your life – what hats you want to wear, and what hats you want to hang up for good.
3. Let yourself cry. “It’s extremely liberating, that I cry,” said Shriver. “My mother was very tough.” Instead of swallowing your emotions or overeating to avoid them, let yourself cry, get angry, be sad, and put yourself first. This life lesson involves expressing your emotions, finding the courage become who you want to be, and keeping your self-identity intact.
4. Be kind to yourself. “I’ve found a new kindness and a new gentleness with myself,” said Shriver at an annual woman’s conference in California in October, 2007. She described how she nursed her sick mother — and how that changed her from being tough and aggressive to kind and compassionate. “I’ve realized I can be different. The best thing I could do for my mother is to mother her.” Shriver says she likes herself better when she’s gentle to herself and to others around her.
5. Know you’re not alone. “All of us will go through a time when we’re stuck, alone, and afraid,” said Shriver. Gain strength from the fact that you’re not emotionally or spiritually alone even if you are physically alone! Other women (even famous women) have struggled and survived before you, and other women will come after you. This life lesson from Maria Shriver is about connecting with and gaining strength from women even if you don’t know them.
6. It’s never too late — no matter how old you are. Shriver encourages women to keep asking themselves “Who am I going to be?” She pledges to show up in life as herself — not an imitation of anyone else. Similarly, George Eliot said ”It’s never too late to be who you might have been.”
What do you think of these life lessons from Maria Shriver? Are you stuck in a certain role in your life…and do you want out?
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What a great post Laurie – I was excited reading it as it reminded me of part of my current book (still looking for an agent and publisher) as it’s all about discovering yourself. One section deals with letting go of roles that no longer fit.
I’d like to share an exercise with you and your readers that will be in my book. It involves making note of the roles you play (like mother, friend) or you can do it with the roles within roles (caretaker, responsible one etc.) and noticing what you are attached to with each role.
Write down the benefits/payoffs as well as the costs to being in this role. Then imagine taking it off (as though it were a piece of clothing) or stepping out of it. Notice how it feels to be seperate from this role. Who are you underneath?
Meditate on the spaciousness of who you are underneath and then choose whether or not you want to take the role back on (and what boundaries you need to have in place).
Gini Grey´s last blog post..Faith
This is a great exercise — easy to understand, simple to practice, and highly effective. I love it, Gini!
I took off my “I wanna be a writer” role. I think I’ve spent so much time wanting to be a “real” writer, it’s become part of my identity. I have a real hard time accepting that I AM a writer. I think it’s because for me, a real writer earns a living from her work…and I do earn a living from my writing, but it always seems so precarious. Feast or famine!
So, in your exercise, I took off my “wanna be” and put on my “I AM” garments — and I loved it! Thank you. It really helps.
If anyone else has a role they’d like to step out of, I welcome your thoughts here.
And Gini — what role do you like to step out of?
Laurie
Laurie PK´s last blog post..5 Tips for Taming Your Inner Critic
That’s so great Laurie that you’ve dawned your “I am a writer” role. You’ve been writing professionally long enough to wear that robe proudly. Must feel great to let go of the “wanna be” part. Anytime we want something we don’t have, it feels yucky. I’m a big fan of stepping into the role and energy of “having” it even before you do as it will arrive sooner that way.
My role that I step out of again and again is the “over responsible” one. It sneaks up on me again and I have to remove it over and over it seems – or perhaps I’m taking off layers of it. I can’t think of any other roles I want to step out of right now. I thought I had stepped out of the coaching role for a while, but this week felt drawn to it so am working with a couple of clients again. Still in my happy writing role though – just taking a breather from it for a few days.
Gini
Gini Grey´s last blog post..Faith
Hi Laurie,
Spot on! Great 5 lessons from Maria Shriver. Thanks for posting it.
They touch my heart… being so related to my insights in one of my blogs — Life Sparklers. Link is in my homepage if you get the chance, I’d like to share it with you.
Best,
Tel
Tel ´s last blog post..Inspired Pen Update – 5 Aug 2009
Tel,
Thanks for dropping in and commenting; I’m glad to see you here! I’m off to check out Life Sparklers in your blog…
And Gini — thanks for your encouragement. I hope your coaching is going well….I can see how that’d be a difficult role to step out of, especially when people need you. Especially when you’re so good at it!
Laurie
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