“A human being is only interesting if she’s in contact with herself,” says Barbra Streisand. “I learned you have to trust yourself, be what you are, and do what you ought to do the way you should do it.”
To be who and what you are, you need to cope with the stress of caregiving as soon as it creeps up. And if you’re a caregiver, you need to get help before you’re totally burned out! To stop stress in its tracks, read Preventing Caregiver Burnout (Caregiver Survival Series)
“Caregivers who are experiencing burnout likely don’t even know it because they’re so absorbed with their responsibilities,” says Karen Boyer, Caregiver Support Program Coordinator of The Friends in Parry Sound, Ontario. “In a spousal relationship, women especially feel it’s part of their marriage vows. Older generations saw the pattern of their parents caring for spouses and extended family members as being the norm.”
5 Signs of Caregiver Burnout – Barbra Streisand
1. Personal and professional neglect. According to B. Lynn Goodwin, author of You Want Me to Do What? Journaling for Caregivers
“I just don’t want to be hampered by my own limitations,” says Barbra Streisand – which is what can happen when external responsibilities overpower who we are…and who we want to become.
2. Emotional, physical, and mental exhaustion. Philip, 80, has been taking care of his 79 year old wife, Barb, in Vancouver, BC for three years. Barb struggles with dementia, and doesn’t always comply with his requests. Their daughter, Suzanne, says he has a hard time motivating his wife to stay active. “She says ‘no’ to going for walks, getting out of bed before 11 a.m., going to church, and spending time in out-patient programs. The constant ‘no’s’ are exhausting, and he eventually stops asking.” Philip’s exhaustion doesn’t just affect him, it also affects his wife’s health. To cope with caregiver burnout, he needs to find (and implement) smart stress solutions.
3. Physical ailments because of increased stress. Weight loss or gain, sleeplessness, chronic health problems, and constantly fighting colds or the flu could be signs of burnout. Boyer describes how stress can trigger health problems: “Heather attended my caregiver support group while caring for her elderly spouse. She let out a loud shriek as I described how stress can cause inflammation in the joints. She had no prior arthritis, but was suddenly experiencing joint pain.” Heather realized that her recent health issues were related to caregiver stress.
4. Strong emotional reactions. “Once, I yelled at my kids because they didn’t help as I dragged groceries from the car on a rainy afternoon,” says Marc Silver, author of Breast Cancer Husband: How to Help Your Wife (and Yourself) during Diagnosis, Treatment and Beyond
“For me, one sign of ‘caregiver burnout’ was crying in the car,” says Silver, whose wife survived breast cancer. “Evidently a lot of guys do it, and it’s a welcome release.”
5. Loneliness and isolation. Suzanne says her father – whose wife is struggling with dementia – is lonely. “He doesn’t have adult conversations with her like he used to,” she says. “He lost his best friend.” And since Philip spends a great deal of time and energy caring for his wife, he doesn’t have much time or energy to socialize with others.
“If you need help, don’t be afraid to ask for it,” Silver adds. “No one can read your mind.”
Also – a final gem from Barbra Streisand – “You have got to discover you, what you do, and trust it.”
If you have any questions or thoughts on these signs of caregiver burnout, please comment below…
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Dear Readers, thank you for your comments and questions -- I read them all! I try to respond, but may not be able to reply to everyone. ~ Warmly, Laurie
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