5 Habits of a Healthy Marriage – Erma Bombeck

Creating a healthy marriage can be as simple as sharing your daily highs and lows, or as complicated as learning effective conflict resolution skills. These habits of healthy marriages will work whether you’re newlyweds or a mature married couple!

First, a warning from Erma Bombeck:

“Marriage has no guarantees,” she said. “If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”

One guarantee is that your marriage will change over time – and sometimes it’ll be less healthy than others. Healthy couples get mad at each other – and because of that, they may live longer. Healthy couples seek hidden treasures, choose green battles, and let their individualities strengthen the marriage as a whole. Here are five simple habits for healthy marriages; for more in-depth tips, click The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert.

5 Habits of a Healthy Marriage – Erma Bombeck

“Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving,” says Bombeck. That’s not one gift you want to give your spouse – guilt is definitely not a habit of a healthy couple! But these are…

1. Learn to express anger, hurt, or frustration. An important part of married life is conflict resolution – and most couples aren’t trained to do this, says Ernest Harburg, professor emeritus at the University of Michigan. His research reveals that couples who suppress anger are twice as likely to face early death as those who express it. Getting mad without hurting your spouse is a healthy marriage habit that can improve your physical and emotional health. Related to this is your retaining a sense of personal identity when you’re in love.

2. Pick your green battles. Joining forces to affect your environment not only gives you a common goal and unites you as married couple, it’s good for the planet too. Choose an eco-battle together, such as adopting a nearby park and doing a weekly “garbage march.” Or plant a garden at home or in the community, focusing on organic fruits and veggies. Learn how to compost, and lighten the load in the landfills. Once your new behavior becomes a habit for your marriage, you can add another healthy habit – and soon you’ll be the greenest couple on the block!

3. End the day talking about your highs and lows. Make it a point to discuss the ups and downs in your marriage, family, and individual lives, and to look for the good in the bad. “During dinner we talk about what we enjoyed best and least that day,” says Tanya, a mother of three on Bowen Island, BC. “It’s a great way for our kids to listen to each other’s stories and problems, help find solutions, understand that we all experience ups and downs, relate to each other, laugh, and illustrate that life is like a rollercoaster.”

4. Make it a habit to volunteer as a married couple or family. “Contributing as a family not only helps [others], but it also strengthens the contributing family in the process,” writes Stephen Covey in The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Families. “Can you imagine the bonding, the sense of fulfillment, the sense of shared joy?” Volunteer opportunities include helping out annually at a camp for disabled kids, serving monthly at a food bank, or walking dogs weekly at an animal shelter.

5. Take risks and seek hidden treasure. A great habit for healthy marriages is trying new things together, such as juggling, geocaching for treasures, or making sushi. Psychology professor Leaf Van Boven from the University of Colorado explains why happiness is found in your life experiences (not your possessions). Experiences are open to positive reinterpretations, become a meaningful part of your identity, and contribute to successful relationships. When you experience something as a married couple – such as learning something new together – you build memories that you can reminisce and laugh about later. Those experiences unite you and become part of who you are as a married couple.

A final quotation about marriage from Erma Bombeck:

“People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife,” said Erma Bombeck. “The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.” If you’re still in the market for a good husband, you might find How to Find a Good Boyfriend Who Will Be a Loving Husband helpful!

What makes your marriage healthy? If you have any tips, I welcome you below!